What will 2016 bring?

I typically take down my Christmas decoration during the first week of the new year.  I remember last year as I was taking them down and packing them away thinking about where we would be when it was time to unpack them again.  I was contemplating a move to Michigan but had not committed to it yet.  And if I did go through with the move I wasn’t sure how long we would stay with my parents once we moved.  Would we be in Michigan?  Would we be in Hart?  Would we be with my parents or in our own place?

I’m not typically a New Year’s Resolution type person, but in the final weeks of a year I typically reflect on the previous year, and reset my focus for the new one.  I may have specific things I want to focus on or it might just be a general refocusing.  This year I didn’t do a lot of reflecting.  I think it was an unwillingness to ruminate.  I was also hesitant to look forward because I was uncertain about what comes next and that was causing me a late of anxiety.

When we moved to Michigan I didn’t have a solid plan for what would come next.  I knew I didn’t want to be “just” a Sleep Tech anymore.  I’ve loved my job and what I do but it has its limits (always working nights is one of them).  I’ve done all I can as a Sleep Tech.  I have no desire to go into Management and even a day shift position isn’t all that appealing.  I’m nearing the top of the pay scale.  Not much more for me to do.  Moving back to Michigan gave me the opportunity to go back to school.  I had been debating RRT vs RN for awhile and had decided on RN, but hadn’t decided on a path yet. It wasn’t until July that I decided the direction I wanted to go with school.  While I knew the direction I still had to figure out the how.  I’m still working on that.

Staying with my parents is no longer working.  It’s not the best situation for me and its not the best situation for my parents.  The only person it seems to be good for is Annelise.  And while I would love to only consider what is best for her I have to consider the effect on my parents and myself.  So I’ve began a search for a place for us.  And with that comes a wide variety of choices all of which could effect my ability to continue school, find a different career and hopefully eventually take us back to Virginia.

Do we stay in Hart?  Do we move to Grand Rapids now or wait a year until I get into the program I want (if I get into the program)?  Should I rent?  Should I buy?  If I have to start paying for housing and childcare will I even be able to afford to continue going to school?  I mean that was the entire point of leaving Roanoke wasn’t it?  Is my biggest fear about leaving Virginia going to come true?  Am I just going to end up in the same situation in a different city?  Maybe I should just pack up and head back to Virginia?  After all if I’m going to have the same struggles shouldn’t I be somewhere I want to be?  And if I do somehow manage to keep going to school without assistance from my parents why can’t I do that in Roanoke?  I even discovered that Jefferson School of Health Sciences has a similar program to Grand Valley (just twice as expensive).  If I can make school work here why can’t I make it work there (albeit with a lot more debt)?

So as I was taking down the decorations this year and boxing them up I was once again wondering where we will be when it comes time to unpack them again.

I don’t like the uncertainty.  Its scary.  I form different plans in my head and work through different scenarios.  I think I’m formulating a plan but then I sit back and think “nothing ever goes as planned so this is obviously not going to work.”  But I guess all I can do is move forward.  I have a couple of classes left at MCC.  Two this coming semester and one this summer.  I’m planning to start classes at GVSU in the fall, part time in the fall and then full time when (if) I get into the accelerated BSN program.  Being in Grand Rapids makes sense, so I’ve stopped looking for a place in Hart and am now looking at Grand Rapids.  So many details to be worked out, the only thing I’m certain of is that I have no idea what things are going to be a like a year from now.